November 18, 2012
Jesus, what is wrong with me? Is it because I ignored my own advice and visited the dogs at the SPCA Friday night? I am so emotional. Throughout the day I find myself ready to cry for no reason at all. No provocation, no story or image. Just pure emotion in the form of salty water.
At least that was what I was telling myself this morning as I made soup and wondered what else to do today. Sarah came home- from a spontaneous a.m. bowling session – and I pretended to continue cooking and listened to her talk until she asked me how my day was going and I bust into tears while saying, “I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why”. And then preceded to talk and explain and understand for the better part of an hour until I did know why. I am an introvert living in an extroverted city. Or, perhaps better said, I am an introvert living in a dark and rainy city that requires reaching out in order to beat back loneliness and isolation. I do a little reaching but my humble routine and my treasured handful of friends are not always enough. They do not cover all of the empty space. There are parts that are left bare and sensitive.
What to do? Nothing I suppose. Another night to come, another morning just around the corner. An end and a beginning, each one offering a new perspective on an ever shifting experience.