Side by Side

September 23, 2011

I have been living in Santa Cruz for a month, nestled into the apartment that sits side by side with Josh’s shop. What an apt description for him and I.
There was a time when Josh and I were on top, all around, inside and out of each other. We were one life under one roof. Over the past four years we have worked at redefining our relationship without letting go. The imagine that comes to mind is of a couple locked in an embrace, the music is slow and romantic. Suddenly the music stops and the room is quiet. The learned response is to panic, pull apart, stop moving. But we held on. We slowed, we readjusted and it was incredibly uncomfortable and difficult. But we didn’t let go. And over time we learned to hold each other in a new way. He is over there working, asking for my opinion, feeling crabby, smoking pot. I am over here wound up tight, asking for his opinion, feeling rushed, drinking coffee. And on the radio the music plays again. It is one of my favorite songs. We are friends.

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One Response to “Side by Side”

  1. Laura Tabet said

    Hi Em. It’s laura. spain laura.
    i just wanted to say hi.
    you know, my ex-husband and i (who I was with for 12 years before meeting my current girlfriend of 4 years), have also managed to not let go, yet entirely renegotiate our dance. I loved how you phrased it. it’s a very rare and fairly unique experience – unchartered really – and I appreciate knowing that you are also living this rather complex and beautiful story of both the changing and changeless aspects of loving someone.
    i can’t believe my luck that I get to love them both.
    i send you my love.
    i’ve been checking in with your blog quite a bit and cyberly feeling close to you, and as always, deeply enchanted by the depth and beauty that you are.
    please let me know if there is ever a time you might be in oakland and want to get tea. i would love to see you.
    with great love
    laura

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