To Be Here, Revisited

February 14, 2012

(typing a heart-felt love letter to Josh, many years ago)

Jenny commented on the To Be Here post regarding sadness. She asked if the drama was a bit tongue and cheek…

Well, no. The drama, the mournful indulgence, the sighing, the solo walks…is not a put on or for show. I sincerely feel it, all the way. But I also welcome and revel in it, just a bit. And this is ok because there is a real difference between the blues I feel these days and the real, life shattering sadness I have felt in the past. Just as there are shades of color, there are shades of sorrow. The pastel sadness I feel when I sit and drink a glass of wine is a far cry from the saturated, sobbing version I was a number of years ago. And yet I think that sobbing version set the stage for the mild version I now experience. I got used to melancholy and depression and now I find a bit of familiar comfort there. Perhaps this makes sadness less scary but it also might make it more likely to be felt.


2 Responses to “To Be Here, Revisited”

  1. ellie said

    this is so familiar to me, thank you for saying it

  2. jenny said

    Oh good. Well, not good that you’ve experienced such sadness, of course, but good that your writing is not for affect. I would have felt a mug if that was the case.

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