September 5, 2012

I know why my friend has been having those dreams, night after night. Today I received his ashes.
Toward the end of Bello’s life I had begun planning where to bury his remains. I had decided to lay him to rest alongside Soupy in the Santa Cruz mountains. I imagined having a ceremony with Josh on that day. Now I realize that that idea was totally self-serving and represented a personal desire for connection with Josh. I know now, I know see, that Bello wants to stay with me. And he has been trying to show me this by playing buddy vignettes for a friend that would certainly tell me all about it. We have always been together, why would we part now?
It feels so good to be with him again, even in this capacity. I will take him back to Portland and mix his ashes with soil in a large ceramic pot, so that I can take him with me if I ever decide to move. I will plant a flowering tree and each time it blooms I will be reminded of his perfection.

I will be surprised if she dreams about him again.

Update: she dreamt about soccer.


One Response to “Understanding”

  1. Tara said

    Thank you, so beautiful! Bless you and Bello.

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