Page Break

September 17, 2012

I know you don’t want to visit this blog. I don’t either. It is a sad spot. And none of us should seek sadness if we have a choice.
And so I am writing now in order to put a step in front of Bello’s death. Here’s a new photo, to soften your landing.

This is a strange time. I am living at my Dad and Bonnie’s house. But Bonnie is not really here. She suffered a mysterious injury to her shoulder on the first of this month. She woke up with incredible pain, apparently a muscle spasm. And it won’t stop. She is now bed-ridden and has been for the last nine days. We don’t see her. She lives in bed and doesn’t come downstairs except to be shuttle to yet another expert. We call up to her and engage in broken, hard to understand conversations when she is awake, which is not often.
So many things can go wrong with the body. A zillion things! Or a gazillion as my Dad prefers to say. He and I hike in the morning and count our blessings.
What else, besides the morning hike, am I doing with my days? They go by. I am not bored nor lonely nor in need of a project. I roll along.
At night I write to Bello and cry. I look at pictures of possible future dogs and cry. I fall asleep on my back with my hands crossed over my chest and wake in the same position. Another morning, another step forward.

This is what an opening in one’s life feels like.

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2 Responses to “Page Break”

  1. amanda said

    dear oh dear.

    a long armed hug coming your way from across the country.
    oh! why did I not hug you in person!
    well i am thinking about you. when i wear my blue dress, i call it my blue bello.
    i’ll wear my heart on my sleeve just like you.
    you’ll find peace emily. you will.

    amanda.

  2. jenny day said

    Glad to hear you are with your family and taking long walks. Walks always help me when I carry grief. Sad spots are ok. I know some on my saddest spots have opened pathways to some of the most beautiful ones.

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